I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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