its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
