Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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