I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
