I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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