I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
