a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have already put on my inside pants.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
