I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
