3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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