i just google imaged poop.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize