Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
