I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
