true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
