Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
