Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
