win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
