Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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