dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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