ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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