You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
