Your face is a jimmy john
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
