Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
