I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
