At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize