soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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