We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize