Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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