So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
