Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
3pm strippers are depressing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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