I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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