How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I want to be your penis for a week.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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