Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
