I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
