the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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