I wish my penis had an off switch
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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