ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
