The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize