I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize