what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
