I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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