Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
