I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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