Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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