Plan B is the new Plan A
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
