I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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