I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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