Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
