I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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