Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
