who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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