Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
