Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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