So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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