i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There r osticjed everywhere
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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