just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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