i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
