I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
