so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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