Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize