You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are we still banned from the library?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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