So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
