I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
