I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
There's even glitter on my cock...
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