So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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