look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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