I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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