is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
