I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
