Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
