i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
