She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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