Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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