I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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