When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
