I want to make a zoo with you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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