Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
