How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
