saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
