I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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